@DanOverHere: People who write hai and bai, wai?
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@Super_Cynthia: 911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND
@causticbob: Americans: Iran and Iraq are countries, not Apple products, so say their names properly.
@buhsbaby_baby: When you unfollow me, I find your name on a Coke bottle, shake it up, put it back on the shelf and whisper "suck it" under my breath.
@ItsAndyRyan: Russian computer: "Enter password" Me: "Beef stew" Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"