@foodandwhining: People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box.
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@chris_isloi: Everyone keeps returning to the same hypothetical. If loving you is wrong... Bullshit. What if loving you is gross? That's the question.
@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car
@LipLush1: 911: what's your emergency? me: I taught my Dad how to text 911: the problem ma'am? me: he CALLS to say "yeah, got ur text"
@bobbiejo448: "That's Superman, that's Batman, and that's Cyborg. If you won't call them by their names, I can't play with you anymore." - me to my 5yo.