@robdelaney: Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films.
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@TheToddWilliams: WAITER: Would you like some more bread? SWORD SWALLOWER: No, but could you get me another butter knife please.
@Eightinchgoat: I think I'm gonna shave my legs so that there's less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
@VancityReynolds: Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.
@PeterClayton6: My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.