@robdelaney: Peter Jackson just found a postcard JRR Tolkien wrote his nephew in 1938. He's turning it into 22 nine-hour films.
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@decentbirthday:  student: can i go to the bathroom teacher: *slams revolver on desk* i don't know, can you
@garrettbarry70: Wife. "Did you cut the grass?" Me. "Yep" Wife. "But it doesn't look any different!" Me. "I know, we had a lot of rain while you were out"