@mostlydelirious: Phone just autocorrected "your" to "yore" in case thou wouldst think I'm smarter than thee.
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@JediGigi: [he picks me up on 1st date] Him: What do you have there? Me: [struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down] Ham.
@EndhooS: Fireman: Is anyone else inside the house? Me: Uh yes..my son is trapped in my room he- [fireman charges into blaze] ..HE LOOKS LIKE AN XBOX