@noogscorner: Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?
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@BlindChow: [football game] *ref throws flag* Ref: *zebra noises* Players: What? Coaches: What? Fans: What? Zebra at home: *nodding* Good call good call
@realbjdunne: [first ever rap battle] me (carrying five rolls of decorative paper and a scotch tape dispenser): alright give me some scissors, let’s do this *whispering* me: oh that does make more sense
@brandonIee: Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked
@BeingDBEAST: The kid next door just challenged me to a water fight, so I thought I'd tweet this while I wait for the water to boil...