@noogscorner: Pick something up. You just applied more force on that object than the gravity of an entire planet. Earth, do you even lift?
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@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen
@sad_tree: *I throw my hat into the ring* Oh you wanna fight do ya? *I throw my pants into the ring* Pal this is gettin' weird *I throw my skin into th
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first date] HER: What are you doing with the Tupperware? ME: [filling container] The sign says 'All You Can Eat', it doesn't specify when
@Home_Halfway: "10 Things I Hate About You" is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article