@ceejoyner: Pick up artists and garbage men should switch names.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m at a stage in my life where I know I should workout and eat healthy, but swallowing a tapeworm seems easier.
@nyquills: [Running out of gas in the desert] Me: I guess this is the end. We'll die of thirst soon. Co-Worker: This is a Pepsi Truck. Me: *gazing out over the sand dunes* 3, 4 days tops.
@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.