@sixfootcandy: Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
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@LaziestCanine: [on intercom] Pilot: does anyone know how to land an airplane? asking for a friend, i swear
@FunnyMojoJojo: Last week I chopped my neighbour's tree and now it's growing back because his-tree repeats itself...
@Phoebetate: Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two.