@sixfootcandy: Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
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@Underchilde: If I ever commit suicide, I wanna jump off a cliff w/an open umbrella so people wonder if I thought it would bring me safely to the ground.
@catlikethiefx0: Taylor Swift just waved at a boy and he didn't wave back so now she's got a new album coming out tomorrow.
@HatfieldAnne: I shake you awake. “An octopus can create human-like, virtual elbows when feeding. Go back to sleep. I’ll tell you the rest in the morning.”
@ItsAndyRyan: Just misread a headline 'Trump wins big' as 'Trump bins wig'. I thought: 'about time too'.