@sixfootcandy: Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
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@realHamOnWry: If you're lost in the forest start talking about politics. Someone is sure to show up to argue with you.
@treadmilld: Someone just honked their horn to get me out of my parking space quicker so now we will both be here until we're dead.
@smickable: My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom.
@andylassner: Never trust anyone who says you need to come out of your shell because let's start with the fact that they think you're a turtle