@Cheeseboy22: Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second, but instead I am going to run over 100 times with the vacuum at different angles.
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@hippieswordfish: b-52's songs: -'love shack' -'hate shed' -'sad tent' -'happy igloo' -'frustrated RV' -'depression garage' -'melancholy lake house'
@jerryRenek: Just saw a squirrel jump about 15 feet from one tree to another. He is now my new emergency contact.
@Lisabug74: 8 out of 10 ladies at a karaoke bar who sing,“I Will Survive,” are hoping the enemies who wronged them are in the audience.
@gobmentcheese: Interviewer: So, tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'm very attracted to you right now.