@tastefactory: *picks up bug, puts it outside* There ya go. *later, bug smashes thru door carrying gun* You should have killed me when you had the chance
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@huntigula: her: is there a venomous snake loose somewhere in our house? him: [releasing a mongoose into the air ducts] don't be ridiculous
@blade_funner: 1997: *waits 5 minutes for dial-up internet connection* 2017: MY CAR'S VOICE DOES NOT PLEASE ME
@kchees: All the single ladies put your hands up! *handcuffs all the single ladies together and pushes them off a cliff* I'm your only option now.