@ThingsJackDigs: PILOT OVER INTERCOM: I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the Wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds
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@shutupmikeginn: 'Pampers' is a good product name because it implies being able to poop in your disposable underwear is a great luxury
@TheToddWilliams: [apiary] ME: Are you the beekeeper? BEEKEEPER: Yup ME: Can I get some? BEEKEEPER: Nope ME: Is it because you k— BEEKEEPER: I keep them
@rockymomax: [first day as 911 operator] ME: 911 what's your- your- *looks over to boss* BOSS: emergency ME: hey, gotta go we have an emergency here
@jdbalani: The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.