@aaronup: Pizza is an emotion right?
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@crushingbort: Ben Carson's book includes a story about single-handedly halting a bear attack during a school camping trip
@bobvulfov: BABY FROZEN STEAK: mommy is he coming back MOM STEAK: no honey—get some sleep [rocky walks into the freezer] ROCKY: time to punch some meats
@JessObsess: It's so embarrassing when someone gets to second base with me and finds crumbs in my bra.
@FreddyAmazin: 3 horrible things in life: 1) Seeing your mom cry. 2) Seeing the love of your life fall in love with somebody else. 3) Slow Internet.