@KrazykurtKurt: Plastic bags biodegrade quicker than my mum getting to the point on the phone.
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@WittySassBasket: If I had all the money, I would pay people to sneak up behind you and blast a bullhorn right before you hit send on a political tweet.
@TinaMav: How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.
@ilovepie84: I always get "never shake a baby" and "cats always land on their feet" mixed up. Anyways I need a lawyer.