@Breadery: Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won't be unusual.
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@thejessbess: Got kicked outta Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade.
@CaniacMONK: *Sees thing on floor *Vacuums over said thing *Vacuum cant pick it up *Picks up thing *Looks at it *Puts it back on the floor to vacuum
@LoveYoorFate: When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I've been told. Twice now.