@junejuly12: Playing dead for the alarm clock doesn't seem to be working
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: [sees friend at the store] "Hi" Hey "Where's your better half?" The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question.
@jake_lach: You know you've seen too many walking dead episodes when your hand gets stung by a bee and you start screaming for everyone to cut it off
@dinnersruined: I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as "Dad" and he just stood there calling it over and over
@briangaar: Watching Home Alone. Did the family not have ANY friends they could call? "Yo we left our 8-year-old alone, can you get him & not call CPS?"