@CatherineLMK: Please continue finishing your text in the crosswalk, Mr. Pedestrian. It's not like I'm driving a giant metal instrument of death.
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@Beer4AGoodTime: Getting married is easy, staying married is hard. Just ask my girlfriend, her husband drives her crazy.
@donjuantip: i've decided to start a new healthier lifestyle. I'm adding cranberry juice to my morning Vodka.
@IamEnidColeslaw: are you a female guitar player with a breathy, annoying voice? congratulations Starbucks will play your music, no questions asked
@WistfulBlue: When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you.