@mjkspeaks: Please don't come to my garage sale if you've ever let me borrow something.
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@_NTFG_: I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new "selfie sticks" for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant
@Donnie_Fairburn: [Pharrell eating at Arby's] "I want a new look" Like a new hair cut? "Something crazier" *notices the hat in the Arby's logo* "I've got it!"
@TheTweetOfGod: Next time you kill thousands of innocent people in a disaster, tell the judge you "work in mysterious ways" and see how far it gets you.