@mdob11: 'Please, I need this', I whisper as I try to steal a baby goat from the petting zoo.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I missed chicken nugget day at daycare. Me: So? 5-year-old: My life is falling apart.
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "So this yearbook isn't your resume?" "No. I'm not a moron. Those are my references. I highlighted all the NEVER CHANGE's."
@trojansauce: [after moving into a haunted house] *setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY *sitting in silence for 40mins*
@GrantTanaka: Bruce Wayne was terrified of bats & he became Batman, so anyway that's why I became ClownBaboonDentistMan