Electric eels imply the existence of Acoustic eels
You Might Also Like
Confusing my grandchildren by filling the Easter eggs with chicken nuggets
I was going to spend the next 6 years studying medicine to become a doctor. Then I realized I could just like Facebook photos to save lives.
My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
Jurassic Park CEO: I’m beginning to think a park with dinosaurs is a bad idea. Anyone?
Suit: Well…what if we make it a supermarket with dinosaurs?
CEO: Genius!
Why yes, YouTube, I *did* want to watch part 5 when part 2 ended. How did you know?
ufo crew: why are we hovering?
ufo captain: i wanna pet those dogs
ufo crew: why not land?
ufo cap: those talking monkeys are annoying af
[uber driver dropping me off at the gym] see you back here in five minutes
A tragic love story in two pictures.
Genie: So let me get this straight, your first wish was for your cat to talk?
Me: yes.
Genie: and then your second wish was he couldn’t talk anymore?
Me: He was mean to me.
Genie: And now your third wish is he can talk again?
Me: I just thought of a great come back!
Carp we hit an iceberg!
What am I herring? This scampi true!
Whale I squid you not
Oh cod I can’t die
Waterboat me? You’re so shellfishFin
Someone put the toilet paper roll on backwards and I’m furious and also I live alone
My mom would complain about no cabinet space but also kept an entire set of “Nice” dishes in case the President stopped by or something.
All your most annoying Facebook friends have shared this with the caption “wow, really makes you think.
– What have you come as?
– A Werewolf.
– But… they’re your normal clothes.
– It’s not a full moon.
Her : I wanna be held
Me : Accountable or Hostage?
Is there a Twitter acronym for “Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it”?
“I came in to pick up a book I’d placed on hold and it’s not here anymore!”
“Sorry about that — when did we notify you that the book was here?”
“I don’t know, a few months ago. How long are you supposed to hold things, anyway?”
“Well, definitely less than ‘permanently forever.’”
I’m not high maintenance at all. All I want from a partner is the understanding that I need to feel worshipped whilst also being mostly left alone.
fun fact: scientists discovered years ago that dogs and cats could actually talk and converse with humans, unless their human turned out to be super duper boring
WHY DOES THIS DENTAL FLOSS REFUSE TO LET ME TOSS IT INTO THE BATHROOM TRASH CAN?
Special shout out to the CIA, who were pouring cold water on people BEFORE the “ice bucket challenge” made it cool
I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you’re looking for a life coach or whatever.
FYI THIS MAN IS NOT A DOCTOR HE PRESCRIBED ME TWO PLATES OF SPAGHETTI FOR MY BROKEN PELVIS AND THEN THREW A TURTLE AT ME
Modern Way to Name Babies:
1. Pick 2-3 names
2. Chop each
3. Blend together
4. Mix in the letter Y
5. Allow time for mixture to settleCongratulations on your child McKimberlynn.
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
Marriage counsellor: What’s the problem?
Wife: He is so literal. It drives me mad.
MC: And how do you feel, Stephen?
Me: With my hands.
breaking: schrute farms has banned kanye, no beets for him.
how did ur grandpa get dementia and forget EVERYTHING except the racism
Only thing I miss about life prior to this pandemic is going to people’s houses just to eat their food and then immediately leave