@Fred_Delicious: PLEASE READ
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@UnderTheJewFro: I was starving earlier so I opened up a beanbag chair. There were no beans, only styrofoam. Im furious, Im hungry and I have nowhere to sit.
@_NTFG_: We woke up to a noise. I grabbed a bat. He grabs a can of body spray. "Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?"
@Eightinchgoat: My neighbor seriously just asked me, "Does Canada have 4th of July?" I said "No, they skip from the 3rd to the 5th, eh? I need to move.
@Just_A_Guy72: NPR is reporting terrorists are using twitter. I call bullshit. After logging on, most of us aren't motivated enough to get dressed