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@Fred_Delicious: PLEASE READ
@mdob11: 'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito.
@KissabiX: [creating a sloth]
God: Take that roadkill over there and make it blink
@SamGrittner: If Captain America doesn't have a pizza hidden behind his shield at all times, he isn't fighting for the America I want to live in.
@JasonLastname: What idiot called it blood spatter instead of axe body spray
@realdealbiehl: Turns out 6 foot penguins don't exist, in related news, I might have just ran over a nun.