@Ygrene: "Please refrain, Angry God, from using the Newspaper of Doom" the Spider King cries as he orders another sacrifice into your sleeping mouth
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@mrtruthandsoul: 5yo: Daddy, what's a facial? Me: Your brother. 5yo: I don't have a brother!? Me: Exactly!
@michaelianblack: Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts.
@DanMentos: "We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision" Which was? "We ate Bill" OMG. How long were you in there? “4 minutes"
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: M: I have what they call animal magnetism. H: *sidles up to me* *winks* Oh yeah? M: Uh-huh. *points to squirrel affixed to stray cat*