@FilthyRichmond: Please refrain from telling elderly election volunteers to "work that poll".
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@KatieBurnett: The worst thing about kissing the person who loves you the most is when you bang your teeth off the mirror
@Six_Pack_Mom: Me, to 11 y.o: "You need to apologize to your sister for calling her stupid." 11: "Okkk... I'm sor- wait. Which sister?"
@KelseyCook: Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can tweet angrily from the toilet for your country.
@jonnysun: *explosiom of light* *univrse is created* *earth forms* *plants grow* *a grape fals off a vine adn drys* evreythimg hapens for a raisin