@dave_cactus: Plot twist: The Rock isn't Kid Rock's real dad.
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@Douchekevin: At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that's not my wifes phone number at all. She's zero fun today
@Dutch_50: I'll bet even homeless people look at funeral homes and think, "Nope. I'd rather stay out here."
@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim
@Slims_Ramblings: Just listened to a conversation between 3 people under 18 and now I don't know how my Mom or a stranger didn't murder me as a teenager.