@Tups13: Plot twist: two birds kill YOU with one stone.
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@TheSanch14: Boss: why do you deserve this promotion? Me: goes into very in depth pointless rant B: what drugs are you on? Me: good ones *leaves*
@Book_Krazy: Mom, I'm glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean
@TheMichaelRock: If you hate yourself, just drink alcohol like an adult; there's no need to vote for Trump.
@MikeCanRant: Hi yes, I'd like the cheeseburger "How would you like that cooked?" *gets right up in waitresses face* With frickin fire, obviously