@johnofah: Pluto wasn't even a planet for a full year on Pluto. Do you ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
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@Home_Halfway: Skywritten letters: SUSAN I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY FOR THIS WRITING BUT THIS IS HOW I WANTED TO PROPOSE; WILL YOU MAR
@internetluke: [shows jury picture of gruesome murder scene] *they all gasp* That was my initial reaction too. Those shoes with those pants?
@FormerGrunt: When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.
@rickolantern: When my goldfish starts acting like a jerk I remind him that his bowl is microwave-safe