@JohnLyonTweets: Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don’t spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle.
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@McGrumpenstein: *Ancient Egypt* Me: My abacus won’t work IT: Hit giant eye + guy holding snakes + big ass bird Me: Nothing IT: Okay, reset *shuffles abacus*
@ValeeGrrl: My daughter spelled America "Merica" on a book report so now I'm searching her room for Trump campaign propaganda.
@StellaRtwot: Turns out those miniature liquor bottles aren't for babies and now my brother says I can't be the God Mother.