@JohnLyonTweets: Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don’t spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle.
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@jdforshort: I'm just a girl trying to keep up with a guy on my Fitbit challenge who may be walking out more sexual frustration than me
@KevinFarzad: It's nice to know that even people who are running for President are shitty at answering "What is your greatest weakness?"
@TheDailySchmuck: Top Five Creepy Things: 5) Dark and stormy nights 4) Spiders 3) Cars with eyelashes 2) Decaf drinkers 1) People who take one bite of cake