@JohnLyonTweets: Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don’t spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle.
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@timdonakowski: Naming my daughter "A Relationship" so I don't have to worry about punks wanting to be in her.
@RykWeston: The girl at the Baskins-Robbins thinks Leonardo da Vinci was "in that Titanic movie". Now my ice cream tastes like stupid.
@internetluke: [raises hand in English class] Why do we need to be learned English? "Hmm.. Couldn't have worded that better myself, Luke"