@michael_hendrix: Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.
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@GinGander: Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".
@stargazer15_: I'm the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice. Really dirty.
@RobElliottComic: [having sex] Me: CHECK IT OUT NO HANDS! Her: USE YOUR HANDS! Me: *raises the roof*