@Paxochka: Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens.
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@thepatrickwalsh: My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.
@living_marble: Technically, it's only cannibalism if you eat the top half of the mermaid, your honour.
@jordan_stratton: The best part of Robocop is when they spent billions of dollars making a cyborg super soldier instead of helping Detroit not be awful.
@Midgetspar: If I had a fake leg it would be a see-thru plastic one full of jelly beans and I'd only charge kids a dime for a handful like the old days.