@MichaelGoffLA: Pot has never been proven harmful to humans, but the way it makes those huge holes in the street has to give you pause.
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@That_Damn_Duck: At McDonalds Cashier: You total is to tell your kids that you love them Me: Look lady if I loved them I wouldn’t be feeding them this crap
@LurkAtHomeMom: How to calm a crying baby: 1. Pick it up. 2. Ok, so when it turns like 5 you can put it back down. Good luck.
@AristotlesNZ: My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he's always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch.
@amishschool: My doctor said I can get back to my college weight if I simply go for a brisk three hundred mile walk each morning.