@MichaelGoffLA: Pot has never been proven harmful to humans, but the way it makes those huge holes in the street has to give you pause.
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@ch000ch: step 1. log onto instagram step 2. find wedding day hashtags, ex. "SmithWedding2014" step 3. use hashtag step 4. post pictures of yaks
@NicestHippo: "You're sure you understand stock trading?" ME: Yep "Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"
@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
@Tups13: I've discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.