@_steamy_mac: Pour some sugar on me. More. Keep going. Okay, now bricks.
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@dubstep4dads: man...im so hungry i could- *i catch eye contact with a horse* "you could what?" *shows his gun* i could.. eat a sandwich "thought so."
@joeldanger: Her: Men are lucky. You just get to wake up & be hot. Me: Not true. I still have to put my contacts in so I can see how hot I look. H: ...
@lildandeli0n: Life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is more like opening the freezer and having everything fall onto you.
@seamussaid: I wake my daughter up by tossing pebbles at her window so the first time a suitor tries she'll have the same response we do to alarm clocks