@prodigalsam: Poured my cat some almond milk & now she has bangs & drives a Prius.
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@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.
@ChadKroeber: Me: *tries to knock 1st kite out of tree using 2nd kite* *gets 2nd kite stuck in tree* Genie: please don't w- Me: I wish for a third kite
@Proxic0n: [Date] Me: So what goes in the bowl first, milk or cereal? Her: Trick question, I eat pizza for breakfast. *We just start making out*