@prodigalsam: Poured my cat some almond milk & now she has bangs & drives a Prius.
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@RVGisFUNNY: I just read an article about a man swept out to sea during a baptism. I guess that's God's Way of saying "Nope".
@Brianhopecomedy: Lying on the hammock while my wife does yard work. Don't know exactly what she's planting but the hole she dug is slightly bigger than me.
@CornOnTheGoblin: °at Nike advertising meeting° I need a slogan for these shoes by the end of the day. I don't care how it gets done just do it..hold up a sec