@tastefactory: Power went out in my office building & a maintenance guy said Transformers blew. Um yeah it was a bad movie buddy now what about the power??
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@hdaniels_00: Tomorrow I'm going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
@ArfMeasures: CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*
@naazihah: The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me that I can binge eat carbs and then take a two week nap and I'll become beautiful.
@Playing_Dad: Me: We don't have any more Girl Scout cookies and now I'm sad. Wife: I get sad, too. Like when I think about being married to a 40yo baby