@bigkefd: Ppl freakin cuz its sharks in the ocean. News flash: that's where they live! If u see them at Chipotle, then we have a problem
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@Ygrene: No time to exercise? Get the results of a 30 minute workout in only 3 seconds by accidentally stepping on your cat on the stairs in the dark
@neiltyson: There’s just no way around this one: YOU MATTER, unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared, then YOU ENERGY.
@shutupmikeginn: As a child, 'The Jetsons' gave me unrealistic expectations for the future: like having a wife who loves me & owning a dog.
@WheelTod: I asked my neighbor to watch my dog for a couple of nights, as my neighbor's a private detective & I think my dog might be having an affair.