@Jennarater: Practiced my breakup on my cats last night and today they are gone.
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@shatty48: Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets.
@Sirrruh: Life has taught me if you go to the store for milk and you're high, you won't buy milk. You will spend half your rent on hot pockets though.
@SteveSuckington: 1st wise man: I brought gold for the baby 2nd wise man: [hiding frankincense behind his back] actually that gold is from both of us