@Jennarater: Practiced my breakup on my cats last night and today they are gone.
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@Robert_Beau: At the motel: Front Desk: And here's your key card sir .. Me: I'd like a wakeup call. FD: You're 20 lbs. overweight and your fly's open.
@lyric_intent: [Bank Robbery] Robber: KEEP YOUR HANDS UP OR I'LL SHOOT EVERY ONE OF YOU! *Friends theme begins to play over PA* *Everyone sweats nervously*
@GeorgiaSweet20: *climbing on massage table* Me: Okay so here's the thing, I don't like to be touched
@VerbsRProudest: The only real certainties are death, taxes, & people who haven't seen each other in forever, blocking whatever you need in the store.