@alizmay: Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
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@Donna_McCoy: Shout out to whoever scheduled Valentine's candy to show up just as we're all giving up on New Year resolutions.
@dave_cactus: *sitting on a seesaw for 20 minutes* …OK, there's ONE downfall to being the last human alive.
@rzarosco: MY AUNT: All we can do now is pray DOCTOR: Oh nice so I should put down this cardio thoracic surgical instrument? We're good here?