@jimmytorosian: Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put "delicious" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize.
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@XplodingUnicorn: God: I made something new. It's like a tornado, but smaller. Angel: What do you call it? God: A toddler.
@Donna_McCoy: Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can't have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced.
@Illiter8: The tattoos in your shirtless avi say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'.
@John_M15: The "Slow Children Playing" signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?