@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.
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@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers
@snotnboogers23: Well, at least my kids are finding new and exciting ways to make my two college degrees meaningless.
@prufrockluvsong: Him: Flash me a smile. You're prettier when you smile. I seductively part my lips to reveal one perfect orange slice.