@ImFordTough: Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor's dog.
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@decentbirthday: Isn't it weird that Greenland is icy and Iceland is where my wife moved when she left me
@PaperWash: [handing out condoms to trick or treaters] give these to your parents, I don't want more of you coming back next year
@Prof_Hinkley: What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Camaro and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus
@notshivi: The year is 2075. A student asks how World War 3 began. The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco and Seth Rogen made a movie..."