@hpb777: Pretty cool how the universe lets me know I'll be bumping into my ex by making me spill coffee on my shirt.
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@PopSlapFunk: Fun Fact: You can be charged with home invasion and aggravated assault if you use a box cutter to break down cardboard and a hobo's inside.
@thedailymarker: When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs...& because I'm gay..& we always take it up a notch.
@Brianhopecomedy: Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.
@Schmoodles: Whenever I meet a guy named Paul, I ask if it's short for Paula, then I laugh & laugh & laugh & laugh & laugh & making friends is hard. :(