@shegotagronk: Pretty cool that there's no law saying you can't name your kid Squidward if you want.
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@aidanjsears: ALEX TREBEK: it says here that you are on jeopardy ME: correct AT: this can't be your fun fact ME: *whispers* i don't have anything else ok
@FrenulumBreve: [hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom] "Now give me my wife." "This is short by £2.39" [hides Mcflurry] "it's all I got."
@WittySassBasket: Cop: raise your hands Me: ok, but if you looked down you'd see the same thing C: ma'am? M: they're right there C: how high are you? M: yes