@jordan_stratton: Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge.
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@ThePocketJustin: No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ's face I don't think he's going to play them. Here come the police they'll help me
@RandomRamblr: [Sunday morning] *congregation of Catholics disagrees with priest and walks out of church* - mass unfollowing
@Beerhaze: Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn't burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.