@therepoguy: Pretty sure my refrigerator is having sex with itself from all the noises its making.
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@DanMentos: "How can I help you? Hi I'd like a root canal "Are you a patient here?" No "Who referred you to us?" No one "Ok then why-" I have a Groupon
@SnackMomSyndrom: If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say "like"
@1_swarthy_dude: [interview for waiter position] Manager: "So how experienced are you at carrying multiple plates?" Stegosaurus: "You're kidding me right?"
@jonnysun: FRIENDS reunion (2016) RACHEL: [texting from bar] sry smthg came up CHANDLER: [texting from home] same… work JOEY: [in LA] wait THIS friday?