@Mikecanrant: Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella.
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@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
@WilliamAder: When your pet is staring at you, it's probably thinking "I wonder how long those things live."
@SortaBad: All of my tattoos mean something. For example, the Chumbawamba lyrics on my rib cage mean I don't drink tequila anymore.