@Mikecanrant: Pretty upset to find out that salmonella poisoning has nothing to do with a vindictive fish named Ella.
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@McNevich: If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper
@Sassafrantz: Lauren's coming over. "Lauren from work or the one who pretends to be a Dr?" Lauren: Sorry I'm late, I removed a gooblyglop from a dinkis.
@OBiiieeee: [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no