@Beyerstein: Primaries are like childbirth. After a great deal pain, yelling, and recrimination, everyone forgets how awful it was until the next time.
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@Playing_Dad: Happy Passive Aggressive day! Don't worry, I didn't want you to get me anything anyway. No, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
@ojedge: [puts puppy in microwave] [googles instructions for making hotdogs] [quickly releases puppy from microwave]
@truegritrumble: I once dated a girl so my pet rock wouldn't be embarrassed after he threw himself at her window.
@Kyle_Lippert: Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.