@texasstalkermom: Pro tip: Do your makeup before you start drinking.
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@Tmoney68: Just overheard someone say they need an "escape goat" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius.
@KalvinMacleod: VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he’s getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?
@HairyJew4Life: The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son.