@sexncake: Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
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@Marlebean: P: ... M: ... P: Coal? M: I was trying to make a diamond. Proctologist: But that's not how... Me: I'm very uptight.
@KimMonte10: Starbucks job interview: "What's your name?" "Alyssa" "Spell that please" "L A R I S S A" "When can you start?"
@Eric_Bader: If the Zombie Apocolypse doesn't start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I'm going to be so pissed.