@sexncake: Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
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@Rollinintheseat: Why do authors subtitle their books, "A Novel". Did someone look at their book one day and say "I thought this was a sandwich?"
@JervanF: I can't wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there's food at home when they ask for some..
@Gre_Gone: [Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo
@BreadFoster: Don't say "lets get weird" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage.