@HousewifeOfHell: Pro tip: If he pretends he can't hear you, talk some shit about his mother.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Winning a fight with your gf is like winning a vacation to Detroit. Don't get too excited
@thejessbess: This guy at speed dating asked if I have any weird tattoos I was like lol not if you love The Golden Girls.
@mexinonblonde: *stands up and screams* "PICTURES OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" *gets thrown out of Easter service during sermon of the resurrection*