@MelissaJoy33: Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married.
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@MableGertrude: Oh, so you make the bed everyday...I suppose you're also the type of snob that folds your clothes and puts them in "drawers."
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'd like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
@ericsshadow: [wearing a 'World's Greatest Dad' t-shirt while talking to the bartender] "The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8."