@Wine_Honey1: Pro tip: If you smear your lipstick all over your face like the Joker, people won't talk to you.
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@weinerdog4life: As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit
@BrassBallsCJ: How DARE you go the speed limit in a situation like this... ~Me, to anyone with the audacity to be in front of me when I'm running late.
@JermHimselfish: I just saw Madonna climb out of a hollowed out tree trunk in the woods near my house.
@rolldiggity: It's going to be so disappointing if we ask aliens about crop circles and they're just like, "We hate corn."