@Wine_Honey1: Pro tip: If you smear your lipstick all over your face like the Joker, people won't talk to you.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at BBQ] Wow...trying to wrap my mouth around this bratwurst reminds me of my first high school boyfriend. He hated bratwurst.
@ColoChiver: My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume.
@ValeeGrrl: Me: *slowly unzips footed jammies* Him: Heyyy...you uh...wanna fool around? Me: What? No, I just lost an M&M in my onesie
@T_N_Crumpets: Bartender: YOU'RE the guy that drinks from the soap dispenser in the toilets? Me: [I try to say "NO" but it's just lavender scented bubbles]