@panmidwest: Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
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@JackieluvsUK: Gonna start feeding my dog condoms, so when she poops they're already in tiny little bags!
@OfficialMizGin: Annoying guy trying to hit on me: This is like a scene from a romantic movie. Me: Yeah, I’m the iceberg and you’re the Titanic. #Queen
@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics