@panmidwest: Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
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@_wendyb07: Never feel more attractive than when my picture of cornbread gets almost as many likes as my selfie. "She's ok, but she's no cornbread."
@BritXNic: Unless you met your spouse while committing a diamond heist, I don't need to hear how you got together.
@SweatyJester: If a picture says a thousand words, why do you need 22 hashtags on your Instagram photographs?
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.