@panmidwest: Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
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@minnie_in_pink7: Not to brag, but I can cure a man of having a thing for me in five minutes flat.
@abbycohenwl: [god on LSD creating Donald Trump What if a car alarm that constantly goes off for no reason were a person?
@dafloydsta: Dear Stephanie on Facebook, I do not care that you are watching The Breakfast Club. I only want to know what channel it's on.