@panmidwest: Pro Tip: Make sure you wear your Fitbit on your dominant hand so you get credit every time you lift an ice cream cone to your mouth.
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@TheHyyyype: CUTE GIRL AT SCHOOL: wanna come study *bites lower lip* anatomy with me? ME: nah, i'm not in that class this semester
@MaryKoCo: "How crazy is your ex? Crazy like my triceps?" "How sick is your mother? Sick like my triceps?"
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: can you pick up milk? Me: [lifts gallon] yea it's easy Wife: I mean from the store Me: I would imagine it weighs the same there too