@elwaytotheend: Pro tip: never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
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@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a grey Me: ... My dog: like a light grey. If that helps
@Thedudish: If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.
@KissabiX: I visited you every day in hospital when you were in a coma. They gave me free wifi & coffee, It was the best 2 months of our married life