@elwaytotheend: Pro tip: never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.
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@SCbchbum: Lady next to me in 50 Shades pulled out her glasses & asked if she missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren’t rolling yet.
@Robert_Fultz: I find it really annoying that eating food doesn't heal wounds like I was led to believe as a kid. Damn Nintendo.
@Marlebean: If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to have pizza.
@SortaBad: *looks at selfie* "Hmmm I need more flattering lighting" *tries again inside an unlit abandoned coal mine* "ahhh much better"