@BuckyIsotope: PRO TIP: Stall your execution by asking if the lethal injection chemicals are gluten-free.
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@daplusk: [on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim
@DBMaxP: It's a good thing I'm off for a vacation soon. It took me 15 minutes of her talking about her Volvo before I realized she meant her car
@MrLloydSpandex: A woman just dropped a £10 note next to me. I thought, 'What would Jesus do?', so I turned it into wine. I bought wine.